He said, “No”.

When I heard the Lord say, “No”, but I did not listen…

… it was as clear as my grandma telling me, “If you don’t listen, you have to feel.” So instead of listening, I had to feel.

What did I feel?

I felt a rush.

It was like a drug.

I was like an addict trying to avoid the drug, and the Lord warned me, but I did not listen.

Therefore, I had to feel.

Of course, the rush felt great at the beginning. But I knew all along what the Lord had said. (Keep reading to the end to see what happened.)

He said, “No”. Then after I heard Him say “No”, this scripture came to me…

“Submit to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee.” - James 4:7

I still did not listen. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I gave in to the thing I knew I was to avoid all along. I slipped down the slope and wandered a little further than I wanted. Or was it what I wanted?

Have you ever wandered the WRONG WAY?

Likely, many of us can recall a time when we allowed our minds to wander the wrong way. I can recall numerous times I have not captured my thoughts before they’ve become actions.

Where the mind goes, the body follows.

Inherently, I wanted to feel the rush, but deep in my spirit, I knew I was going to move myself further from God. I wanted my cake and I wanted to eat it too. I wanted to be close to God, but I wanted to feel the rush of the slope too. In this moment, I did not draw near to God. I drew near to sin, and not near to God.

Now, some of you may be wondering, “Well what in the world did she do?’

Honestly, that’s not what it is about. It is about me knowing I heard God and did not listen. It is me knowing that what I did felt good, but it was only temporary.

It was me knowing that I did not listen to my Daddy, Abba, God.

It was me knowing I hurt Him most.

I followed my own thoughts, and my own feelings, instead of submitting and listening to the One that knows BEST.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” - Isaiah 55:8

I am one to ask another, “What are you thinking?” Maybe I should ask God this same question more often.

If I listen, there will be less heartache and heartbreak. If I just listen to Him…

Or will there be?

It will cause a little heartache and heartbreak on my end, but I would rather my heart break for God, than break someone else’s heart due to my selfish desires. I’ve done that way too many times and not only does it hurt the other person, it hurts me too, and most importantly, it hurts God.

I would rather suffer for God and with God than cause someone else to suffer too.

So here is what happened. I battled my flesh and laid the desire down. I gave it to God.

And tomorrow, I will do the same thing. If I pick it up, I will fall back down and lay it down again.

I will keep repeating the cycle until I have no longer picked the thing up, and until He has all of me.

It is a process, but MY GOD LOVES BEING A PART OF MY PROCESS.

He wants to be a part of yours too.

“Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him. Return to God for He will lavish forgiveness upon him.” - Isaiah 55:6-7

“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” - Isaiah 55:8